Trip Report
A Laywoman's Account of a Not Too Soggy Siege on the Salathe with Some Spaniards
Wednesday June 15, 2011 2:36am
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I throw open the door and blow chunks. No time to waste. I don't even bother getting out of the car.
See here, I'm a 9 to 5 slave monkey. I don't have endless days to leisurely choose my non-cubical adventures. Hell or high water, I was going to get to Heart Ledges that night. Two dry heave and rally sessions later, I'm at El Cap Bridge. I pray that the bad taco truck fiasco of 2011 is over, throw on the harness and start running toward the captain.
My friends and I made it as far as the alcove last week and barely survived the storm that blew through the valley. Stymied by the downpour of water on the route, the four of us were forced to come down after playing human tetris in a double portaledge for 36 hours. I won't lament over our first world problems. Plus, we had whiskey. And as a wise fortune cookie once said, things can always be worse.
The weather finally decided to play nice; haunted by prior defeat, it was time to finish what we had started. I had to be back in SF 9am Monday. My boss wasn't going to accept a "sorry, stuck on El Cap" text message.
I jug like a lunatic up to Lung Ledge with a whole roasted chicken in tow. I am met with great enthusiasm. The plan was for me to jump on the hollow flake in the dark so as to not burn precious day light hours the next day grunting up the thing. However, after all the barfing down below and all the jugging up above, I wasn't in the best condition to fight with the rock. Midnight. Bellies full. We snooze.
Pitch 14: I flashed this bad boy the first go around and told my proud tale here.
The weekend warrior clock was tick tocking. No time to waste. Knowing the exact width of the cavity I returned with some DIY A0 ammunition.
Take the left knee pad and put it on the right arm. Your elbow will thank you.
Pitch 15: Fun! But careful, somewhere a quarter up the way is a loose block on the edge.
As I belayed, we scope out a SIAD team running toward us. I watched them dance up the HF in a matter of minutes. I stood there dumbfounded, in awe and we let them pass.
So far I've scratched off 27 of the 100 things I want to accomplish before I die. And while this might come as a surprise to you, climbing The Ear twice is not one of them. My partners have more pride than me because they wouldn't ask the other team the million dollar question. Plus, as agreed, it was my lead. With shame, I piped up and asked her if she could fix our rope while we waited for them to pass and charge ahead. It wasn't my proudest moment, but the timing was right and the opportunity lent itself. In rebuttal, if I hadn't ever lead the thing, there was no way any of us would have jugged a pitch we hadn't climbed. I survived it once. I had my heart set on getting to El Cap Spire in daylight. She graciously accepted (heaps of appreciation if you're out there reading this). I humbly jugged. My partners were elated. Neither wanted to clean that pitch again.
Take it from someone who isn't a hardman. If you aren't either, bring a #4 and #5. Back clean the 4 once you get the 5 in place because you're partner will thank you for not having to squeeze back there to clean it and you can protect the exit with the 4, too. But before you get there, yes, you will have to free climb... dun dun dun... 5.8.
Sling your stuff long and back clean some of the earlier pro or suffer the wrath of some heinous, ball sucking, rope drag (the pitch wanders like a backwards question mark). There's also a good bolt out on the face to clip before a really cool layback move to the anchor.
All in all, G-rated and protectable, but you can go with the trademark Donini, it's just a chimney and you can't fall out of it thesis. I only climb 5.10. That's my beta and I'm sticking to it.
Enough ear talk! Moving right along. We make it back to the alcove and before I let the PTSD sink in, I chimney my way up the airy cavity to El Cap Spire.
AMAZING! I'm in heaven! Except I don't have wings. Can't fly. Also, not surrounded by nice, dead people.
We've all seen the historical photo of Royal Robbins on ECS.
Ours is only slightly less classic.
We feast and relish in the glory of our great bivy site, but know that we've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow if we were going to make it to long ledge. Bellies full. We snoozed, night two, in our spacious abode.
I can confidently say that Yoga has given me the strength of 100 men. Skinny, metrosexual, crunchy Bay Area vegan men, but still. While my partners linked like crazy (P21+22, P24+25, P27+28, P29-31 with a 70m rope), I was a jugging and hauling MACHINE.
With plenty of daylight left we setup camp on Long Ledge, which, as its name would suggest, is indeed very long and almost more fun to bivy on than El Cap Spire.
Waking up and definitely not disappointed with reality.
Last real pitch before the top is yet another gaping canal ready to spit you out. The topo doesn't have a name for this pitch. I shall call it the angry vagina.
Same as the ear, if you like your partner, back clean the red #1 you can place before you squirm down and out. A big green 6 protects the squeeze. The hold out left isn't that blind. I tried to link 33 and 34 but I placed way too much gear in the pitch below and the rope drag was unbearable. I ended up linking 34 and 35.
After a three day journey of a few thousand feet, we finally make it to the top!
A fairly quick jaunt back down to the bridge, I come to find in horror that my car is missing. Brain, what part of 'don't loan out your car to a complete stranger while climbing' do you not understand? I was back on the ground and yet epic'ing. Tom offered us beer. Problem solved. I was drunk and happy.
Hours later I get my car out of the NPS impound. Too tired to drive back to SF just yet, I crash in the International House of Euros tent. 2am I drag my half dead carcass across the parking lot and drive like a lunatic back to the bay area. I pull up to Mission Cliffs and shower in the fetal position.
9am I am in the office wearing dress pants to cover up the 17 bruises I had acquired on this excellent adventure. I just climbed El Cap. Psyched! 'Til next weekend. On deck: Lurking Fear.
Cubical monkey, over n out.
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Trip Report Views: 10,531 |
tahoe523
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About the Author Shino Jomoto is a trad climber from Station Wagon, USA. She can finally say that she has freed all but 264 moves on El Capitan. |
Comments
Mighty Hiker
climber
Outside the Asylum
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Jun 15, 2011 - 03:02am PT
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Thank you! A marvellous report!
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roy
Social climber
NZ -> SB,CA -> Zurich
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Jun 15, 2011 - 03:18am PT
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Great report and lots of fun.
Cheers, Roy
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mcreel
climber
Barcelona
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Jun 15, 2011 - 04:31am PT
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Nice TR, very entertaining. What happened to El Cap Spire, an earthquake rotated it sometime since RR's ascent?
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nutjob
Sport climber
Almost to Hollywood, Baby!
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Jun 15, 2011 - 04:42am PT
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OUTSTANDING
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telemon01
Trad climber
Montana
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Jun 15, 2011 - 07:33am PT
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Nice one!
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JohnnyG
climber
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Jun 15, 2011 - 08:53am PT
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Angry vagina! HA hahahahah!
this is the best trip report ever
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Jan
Mountain climber
Colorado & Nepal
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Jun 15, 2011 - 12:51pm PT
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Great photos, fun trip report!
It's also a wonderful example of how climbing has changed over the years.
I hope someone puts it into an El Cap anthology some day.
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neversummer
climber
30 mins. from suicide USA
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Jun 15, 2011 - 10:38am PT
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good job... looks like a blast.
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couchmaster
climber
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Jun 15, 2011 - 11:45am PT
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LOL, love the jaunty writing, good stuff! Congrats on the fine send and thanks for sharing it. What was the story with the car? The NPS hates imports or something now? 2 family's of bears moved into it and mama bear got her ass stuck in the opening? ?
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stilltrying
Trad climber
washington indiana
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Jun 15, 2011 - 11:46am PT
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Awesome !!!!
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Hoser
climber
Vancouver,Rome
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Jun 15, 2011 - 12:04pm PT
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very well written!
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b.caskey
climber
Tahoe, NV
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Jun 15, 2011 - 12:35pm PT
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oh do i know the story of that car and its pilot! we met your craigsist rideshare buddy at the curry bar on his birthday. 'interesting' dude. he was almost arrested that night simply for being an ass to some rangers on the housekeeping bridge.
don't know what story you got about your car, but he got a DUI in the park sometime the next day/night - driving in the bus only area behing the grocery! i'm sure you know as you got your car back. real solid guy.
not jealous one bit that you had to be trapped in a box with that guy from SF to Yo. he loved to hear the sound of his own voice.
anywhos, nice work on the salathe! congrats and great write up!
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msiddens
Trad climber
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Jun 15, 2011 - 12:35pm PT
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what a rad TR. You rock and thanks!
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Jun 15, 2011 - 12:45pm PT
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Better than FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!
AWESOME!!!!!
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Edge
Trad climber
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Jun 15, 2011 - 12:49pm PT
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Awesome write up and pics. Congrats!
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murcy
Gym climber
sanfrancisco
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Jun 15, 2011 - 01:18pm PT
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Was waiting for this and scrutinizing Tom's reports. Awesome TR and great accomplishment! Love the modded cam.
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
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Jun 15, 2011 - 01:51pm PT
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hahaha, great descriptors of the experience. Yoga strength cracked me up.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Jun 15, 2011 - 01:56pm PT
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Now That's a trip report! Congrats on the climb and esp the presentation!
Angry Vagina! Hahaha! G.e.t.s.!
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BMcC
Trad climber
Livermore
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Jun 15, 2011 - 02:06pm PT
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Great pics and TR! and so very funny, too!
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Doug Robinson
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Jun 15, 2011 - 03:08pm PT
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Totally cool, with attitude.
You're a seriously good -- no, make that off-the-wall goofball good -- writer.
Can't wait for your next adventure.
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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Jun 15, 2011 - 03:30pm PT
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The best!
Thanks for sharing.
And may I humbly offer this tweaked version of the Hollow Flake shot, so that people don't get the impression that it's more heinous than it already is....
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Jun 15, 2011 - 03:27pm PT
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A most excellent adventure most excellently related. Thanks!
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tahoe523
Trad climber
Station Wagon, USA
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Author's Reply
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Jun 15, 2011 - 11:30pm PT
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I wasn't sure whether the projectile vomiting was from listening to him ramble on for three hours about how amazing he was or from the taquitos. A bit of both I'm thinking. Despite his bravado, he seemed like a pretty harmless guy, so I let him borrow my car.
As you can imagine, upon discovering that my car was no where to be found, I was filled with visceral rage. Lucky for me, the effects of cheap alcohol prevailed. He never told me about a DUI. He just wankered on about how much park services suck without any merit. My car was towed because the idiot parked my car in a red zone and kept drugs in the backseat. Awesome! Thanks, Dude!
Anyhoots, I wasn't going to let him or the impound detract from my awesome trip up the captain. We had a blast; never hungry, never thirsty and most importantly, never COLD. Our only regret was, you know, not freeing 5.13c. And yes, Clint(!), you have it angled accurately. :) I promise I didn't photoshop the perspective, but I'm sure my friends were trying to make it look scary to psyche out their offwidth hating peeps back in Europe.
And as far as pitch 34 goes, if anyone here is friends with Chris McNamara or Chris Van Leuven, please tell them that they should consider editing the topo in the 4th edition with this more accurate depiction of that last squeeze-fest.
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Rhodo-Router
Gym climber
sawatch choss
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Jun 15, 2011 - 11:51pm PT
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F*n brilliant! Tell us where your cube is so we can get you fired and read more trip reports!
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Jun 15, 2011 - 11:59pm PT
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I love your writing! Thanks for sharing the climb and photos!
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Gagner
climber
Boulder
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Jun 16, 2011 - 12:26am PT
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Awesome ....
WOO HOO!!
Paul
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Daphne
Trad climber
Northern California
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Jun 16, 2011 - 12:50am PT
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What an excellent report excellently written. Thanks so much for posting this. You rock!
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10b4me
Social climber
Lida Junction
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Jun 16, 2011 - 01:20am PT
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for being a 9 to 5er, seems like you are pretty hardcore,
thanks for the tr. I liked your Astroman tr too
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Cain J Waters
Mountain climber
Ithaca, NY
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Jun 16, 2011 - 10:18am PT
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The TR I was looking for that did not disappoint! Looking casual and all smiles. Really enjoyed the photos and writing style. Bravo, team! -CW
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Land of God-less fools
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Jun 16, 2011 - 04:06pm PT
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Awesome, thanks.
I'm slightly less gripped at the thought of that wideness now.
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J. Werlin
Social climber
Cedaredge, CO
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Jun 16, 2011 - 04:16pm PT
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Awesome! Many thanks.
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golsen
Social climber
kennewick, wa
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Jun 16, 2011 - 04:51pm PT
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Flat out AWESOME!
Thanks and good job!
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BrianH
Trad climber
santa fe
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Jun 17, 2011 - 06:12pm PT
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I want to party with you. Even more, I want to climb with you!
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karodrinker
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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Jun 17, 2011 - 06:50pm PT
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Sweet! We all salute your radness. Nice motivation! Whoop whoop!
And quit with the laywoman crap as your obviously not.
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Dirka
Trad climber
Hustle City
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Jun 17, 2011 - 08:18pm PT
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Killar!
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Kalimon
Social climber
Ridgway, CO
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Jun 17, 2011 - 08:54pm PT
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Wow! Excellent effort and great example for the rest of us working class inmates.
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crunch
Social climber
CO
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Jun 18, 2011 - 05:13pm PT
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Great read! And nice photos. Brings back fond memories of the magnificent architecture of the Salathe Wall; The Spire, Hollow Flake, and the Ear, and most of all the amazing Long Ledge bivouac ledge.
Thanks
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slidingmike
climber
CA
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Jun 18, 2011 - 05:56pm PT
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Thank you for the great TR -- it's inspiring!
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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Jun 18, 2011 - 06:14pm PT
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All time.
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Jun 18, 2011 - 06:32pm PT
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Super Great!
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Roger Breedlove
climber
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
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Jun 20, 2011 - 05:08pm PT
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Love your trip reports. Great climb made greater by good storytelling.
How about a photo of your cubical, just for the sake of perspective.
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Blue Devil
Mountain climber
Virginia countryside
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Jun 20, 2011 - 05:31pm PT
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Best title ever! Who knew while being the juggin machine you'd also win best stacked? That CamNut beats my last best double Hex for damn sure. You should go into business.
What a trip. Thanks and see you around In Station Wagon.
BD
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Gane
Ice climber
State of Confusion
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Jun 22, 2011 - 11:02am PT
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A great write about a great feat!
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sclaussen
Trad climber
Foster City, CA
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Jun 23, 2011 - 02:33pm PT
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Absolutely brilliant ...
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zeta
Trad climber
Portland, OR
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Jun 23, 2011 - 06:45pm PT
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awesome trip report! it had me laughing and ancy to get back to Yosemite...looking forward to your next TR
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johntp
Trad climber
Punter, Little Rock
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Jun 23, 2011 - 07:27pm PT
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Sweet! Missed this until now. Freaking hilarious! Thanks
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Jun 23, 2011 - 07:45pm PT
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The angry vagina as you call it is a pretty easy lie-back. There are good feet out there. You don't need to squeeze up that thing. Just step out to the left, get the feet, then drop back into a pretty secure lie-back. You're on TR for the slightly insecure drop-out move that gets you started. It's actually a pretty cool pitch.
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tahoe523
Trad climber
Station Wagon, USA
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Author's Reply
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Jun 24, 2011 - 02:29pm PT
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Well, like they say, there's more than one way to f*ck a woman scorned.
In other news, I can't believe Roger Breedlove read my TR. That made my day. Hi, Roger.
Thanks for taking the time to read about our little adventure. I have received one too many 'post another picture of you climbing on rocks and I will forever ban you from my facebook newsfeed' threats, so it's nice to know that I can share pictures of rocks with you all, whom I've never met, this colorful peanut gallery that is Supertopo.
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russellg
Sport climber
Malibu, CA
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Jun 30, 2011 - 01:15pm PT
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Great trip report! Might have to pick your brain for more beta at some point!
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Paulina
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Jun 30, 2011 - 01:30pm PT
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Love your trip reports! And the suggested topo mod.
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CathC
Social climber
Wyoming
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Jun 30, 2011 - 01:44pm PT
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Loved this story !! Congrats !!
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Lace
climber
Seattle, WA
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Jun 30, 2011 - 03:33pm PT
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awesome.. gets me re-excited
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canoeper
climber
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I admire the courage of these fine climbers, it takes me back to the old days of Squamish Climbing, I wish I could still find this courage. So I took up another sport!! Long distance ocean canoe journeys!! Great report With admiration Chris G. Cooper
http://www.spiritdancercanoejourneys.ca
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Russ Aulds
Trad climber
Delano, TN
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GOOD STUFF!!!!! :)
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mooser
Trad climber
seattle
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I think this is my favorite TR to date. Fantastic! And the set-up for the picture sequence on the Spire was HI-Larious! Thanks for the great start to my day.
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rockgobbler
Big Wall climber
London, UK
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Awesome pics and great account. Nice one! Can't wait to try it myself....
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Doug Buchanan
Mountain climber
Fairbanks Alaska
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Jolly good climb and write up.
Keep writing, climbing and thinking that fast.
Doug
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Gal
Trad climber
going big air to fakie
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Fantastic! I like that you cut it close for getting back in time for work-this is what I would do too! After all-the weekends are the time to get up early and do fun work-the cubicle work week is the time to rest and sleep in ;-)
Thanks so much!
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Roxy
Trad climber
CA Central Coast
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awesome adventure and pics!
love the tom robbins-esque title
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The Salathé Wall ascends the most natural line up El Cap. Photo: Mark Kroese
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Other Routes on El Capitan
| The Nose, 5.14a or 5.9 C2 El Capitan
The Nose—the best rock climb in the world! |
| Freerider, 5.12D El Capitan
The Salathé Wall ascends the most natural line up El Cap. |
| Zodiac, A2 5.7 El Capitan
1800' of fantastic climbing. |
| Lurking Fear, C2F 5.7 El Capitan
Lurking Fear is route number 1. |
| East Buttress, 5.10b El Capitan
East Buttress with top of The Nose on left. |
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