No cameras on this mission boys. Beaucoup toppy secret ya know?

I told the cap'n I only had from 0900-1500 hrs, between transport missions with the kids.
"No problem, close to the road." He assured me.

So I find myself racking gear in an already too hot parking lot, with the mouth of the canyon looking a long way off. We've got Corporal Zuni sniffing the trail and looking for a spot to dump. "No problem" sez Cap'n J, "that scout dog will have an easy time with this trail".

The humidity is high for this time of year, and combined with the sun, the sweat starts to drip freely as the hill steepens and there is no breeze for relief. The terrain is becoming a jumbled mess of boulders and slabs as the vegetation begins closing in. "Not that far" sez the Cap'n as I begin to wonder what I've signed on for.


After what seems like hours grinding this grade, I'm watching Corporal Zuni skitter and scratch his way across steep slabs and make desperate dynos for far away ledges. The Gawdamn little VC bugs are closing in now.....


F*#K!! I yell out loud. "What the hell's the matter Ranger?" barks the Cap'n.
All that screwing around with the kit, and I've walked off without paying the parking fee back at LZ Hot-Hump. "F*#k the ticket!" yell's Top Dawg, "I ain't humping back down there!"

After I put my jungle boot down and tell him he's gonna be on a big solo mission, we stash our rucks and make a dash (as much of a dash as we can make over this distance and terrain in this heat.) back to the LZ to pay the man his lousy 3 Dong.

We take the time to refill our canteens and hope that the temps haven't climbed faster than we have. We slowly claw our way back up the canyon to our high point and continue into the ever-thickening bush. More slick slabs, unlikely detours, around towering boulders of heat baked granite. When does this damn Nam trek end? I'm bitching like a short timer now. "Just over that next ridge." sez Cap'n J.

F*#kin' officers have been lying to me since I was drafted. Why should it be different now?


Corporal Zuni takes a whipper off a misjudged dyno and craters on the slab below. A small whimper and looks at me with begging eyes as he licks a slime ooze on the polished slab.....


Seriously man, if this objective is much further away, there won't be any time to climb up to Charlie's stronghold. The school bell at the end of the day waits for no man, nawmean?

"It's just ahead ya cryin' pantywaste!" screams CJ. When I see the cruel bastard drop his ruck I thank the gods of the grunt for small favors.


"Yeah we can tackle this one, or that beautiful crack up on the next ridge."
"This one." I mumble.

In front of me is a gaping maw with a slick looking slab on the left wall.
"Casual" sez Cap'n J. "You just layback that f*#ker."
"Where's the first pro?" I stammer...

There's a piece of sucker booty right above the belay. "Booby trap, put here by Victor Charlie." I swear under my breath, as I suspiciously inspect the glinting stopper. Then in the blink of an eye I'm tooth to tooth with the flaring slick bunghole above! I'm not laybacking the f*#ker either, I'm pimpin', groveling and flailing deep in the back like a gawdamn n00b trying to get the biggest cam I have to fit some tipped out spot. I really don't want to hit the ledge next to the Cap'n. That would be even worse than losing skin back in this gash. At least there's some cool air with my face stuck back in this thing.....

I manage to worm my way out of the maw eventually and cluster some good pro under a roof so I'll have good proper rope drag up above.

"I don't know Cap'n, it looks just as hard up above and I'm thrashed.."

"Aww, it's easy man, don't be such a pussy." sneers the hell hound below.

Fearfully I tackle the upper ramparts and find I can milk one cam along with me to keep from crying.

Damn I wish I was back home with Mary Lou and her hay loft.

As I thrutch my way onto the belay ledge, I realize we have no time to continue. I've got to fight my way out of here so I don't incur the wrath of the authoritahs back in town. (Kids can be just as cruel as Cap'n J.)

"Not bad, eh? heh heh heh..." chortles Satan.

"No Medivac for you Ranger. Nuthin' but your achin' GI dawgs to get you outta here."


A true brute-fest for one lousy pitch. Just another stinkin' patrol with Captain Jeremy.

Welcome back to the A Shau Valley son......