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As life rolls along, things change, physically, mentally and emotionally. A major and valuable lesson in ones life is to acknowledge and then totally embrace that reality. Then and only then will one find peace. Not only with themselves but with everything around them that they must continue to live with. In harmony.
I been climbing consistently for well over 45 years all over this planet. My career in the Navy allowed me a vehicle to expand my adventures to locations I most assuredly would have never gotten to, including Antarctica and Wadi Rum Jordan, had I stayed stateside and did the proverbial daily American 8-5 grind gig. Lots and lots of vertical time in all disciplines at locations that no man had ever stepped upon before mine and those I shared a rope with.
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After I very reluctantly retired from the Navy in the Spring of 99', I spent well over a year living in my truck and doing the dirtbag deal all over the southwest. Climbing and adventure sea kayaking. Got into doing some way crazy shet while lots of that time was spent soloing in both disciplines. Little did I know that at the time it was all done as a distraction from the adrenaline Monster that was lurking inside.
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With that said, a little history about what and how I ended up doing what I do today and what motivated this very atypical Supertopo TR.
When I was stationed at SERE Brunswick in Maine back in 94', I got hooked up with a retiring Boatwains Mate "Frog" Senior Chief that had become a Bass Pro fisherman. He originated from the U P of Michigan. He had the proverbial fast flying bass boat and loved his fishing. He had bought a bitchen ass spread on Rangeley Lake just down the hill from our RTL and spent all his down time there in preparation for doing so for the rest of his days on earth. He was single (divorced) and was preparing himself for the next chapter in his life. Hint#1.
I started hanging out with him to keep my ass outta deep trouble. I was a somewhat new Chief (three years or so) that just got back from doing the C-SAR shet in Somalia and was pretty wound up. He clearly understood that so he shared something with me that today I attribute all what will be posted below. He invited me out onto the lake on that badass fast flying Ranger boat of his to go fishing. Awesome I said to myself. Lots of beer swelling and partying out the ass etc. Hoooooooooya!
Well, when I showed up at zero dark thirty at the Rangely Marina on the NE end of the lake one morning in early June of 94' and met up with him, I figured I'd be learning how to spin cast them fancy rigs like ya see them good old southern boys doing on t.v. with one hand and slamming a "Pounder" BUD with the other. I quickly noticed he didn't have any such rigs on the deck of that fancy ass beautiful boat. What I saw flattened me, a large assortment of Singlehand and Skagit fly rigs, which at that time I had absolutely zero idea what they were. 12 setups to be exact. Yup, he was an avid Fly Fishermen and fished everything with fly rigs. I scratched my head cus all I had pictured was the proverbial spin casting bass dude deal. I asked him what was up with all them fly rods and he quickly replied, "You're gonna shet your britches Shipmate when ya see what a fly fishing set up will do to them bass!" I was totally confused but went along with it all. I also noticed that there were NO beers in the cooler well. Hint #2. We got in and took off, literally, to one of his multiple secret spots that he had in one of them many little alcoves that are all over Rangeley lake. Got, or I should say flew, to one of his honey holes in less than three mins flat. Slowed down to almost nothing and then came to a smooth complete stop some 30 or so feet from the bank on the typical glass water that Rangeley is well known for. He pointed at then softly told me to get the small anchor that was located on the bow and very slowly drop it off on the stbd open lake side and to do so very quietly and gently. After doing so, he proceeded to quietly explain and teach me the fine art of real fly fishing. What amazed me right off the get go was all that I had envisioned and assumed a fly fisherman did was all totally wrong. Hint #3. The dude was good, damn good to say the least. I quickly learned that his Pop had taught him the incredibly precise art of Spey FFing back in the U P of Michigan (may I add he comes from a Scottish background) when he was just five years old and had been doing so, avidly, ever since. As he progressed in his FFing he incorporated Singlehand Stick techniques. Who would ever imagine a plank owner of ST-2 would be and do such a thing. Hello. Well, I also quickly learned that Dry Flies really weren't as effective on Bass or any other bigass fish for that matter, as were subsurface emergers and deep water streamers etc. were. WOW. He showed me how casting long, going deep and then stripping in many different manners and pulses got the big boys and got em quickly.
This clip of Chris Rownes displays them precise casting techniques that "Rog" had shown me...
[Click to View YouTube Video]
As time went along and was spent FFing different rivers and lakes throughout Maine the following 16 months with "Rog", I learned some crazy ass cool things about fish, their behaviors and how you need to totally think outta the box to hook em up. I also quickly learned that when them fish are not hungry, well you're gonna get skunked, that there's nothing you can do to change that and that is all part of the deal. "Rog" also taught me the fine art of tying ones own flies. That part of it all was so interesting to me and tied the entire deal together. Tying up some thread, bunched up different colored yarn, rabbit, squirrel, deer hairs and feathers onto a hook then going out and hooking up on a fish with something you created was so badass to me. It sealed me for good on this FF stuff.
OK, now onto the meat of the TR.
Five years ago I was diagnosed with severe PTSD, 18 months ago with acute Hypothyroidism and my knees were totally shot out even after surgeries on both to attempt to remedy the issues that ailed them. My drive and enthusiasm for climbing that had been a major component of my life for so long was very quickly dissipating as was most of everything else that existed around me. My PTSD had flared up big time Jan of last year and was really making my life a hell beyond hell. I wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything except my incredible Wife and four dogs and our hooche here north of Bishop up against the Whites. I had doodled with my FFing on and off for the past ten or so years but never applied it as avidly as "Rog" had after he retired from the Navy.
I finally decided I needed professional help for my PTSD and was on meds for the HT. I began going to EMDR sessions here in Bishop and quickly realized that my issue was not with all them many many "bad" things I had experienced in my 24 year career. Rather, I was totally outta place in this civilian world. My Naval career doing all them things that I learned and did repeatedly had totally and permanently rewired my brain. More specifically, my thinking patterns. I quickly learned from my two "Docs" that this just wasn't something that was short termed and was going to go away. That this was gonna be with me for the rest of my life. I was directed to watch "The Hurt Locker" by one of my therapists so I could conceptualize and start to understand what it was that was going through in my head. Specifically the two clips below...
[Click to View YouTube Video]
[Click to View YouTube Video]
With all that has suddenly come to bear in my current course, I soon realized through my EMDR that in the short term I had to completely disengage myself from society and learn what it was to fully "retire" from all the stuff that I did and was in the Navy. I was shown that being "The Chief" wasn't accepted by most civ's but by no means was I to rid myself of the incredibly long traditions and deep line of honorable character that being one had taught me. But, that I had to learn how to adjust my sails in order to co-exist in this world known as the civilian life.
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OH MAN, does this ever remind me of... ME! This was my first year and a half after I retired. Bigass NO NO in the Civ World as well.
[Click to View YouTube Video]
I very quickly remembered "Rog" and all that he had done in order to do so himself. Amazing how he knew what was in store for him the rest of his life after learning and doing all the badass shet he had done over his 29 year career as an "Operator". WOW... on comes the light!
Now you know the true gest of it all. Does it explain who I am? You're damn right it does. Is it an excuse? Nope. Cus no excuses are required. Is it an apology? No fking way!!! "It just is what it is so shut the fk up and roll with it!" as old "Rog" used to repeatedly mumble to me. Hint #4.
I have over 205 days on the water this year. Half of those are up high in the Eastside Sierra. Most of which are at locations that take some effort to get to that most "civs" won't ever contemplate doing. Ironically, I have had to apply many of my climbing footwork and balance techniques that I learned and frequently practiced them 45 or so years of doing so, to get to and then actually remain at the locations I go in order to chuck my flies and trick them High Sierra beauties into grabbing.
So what's the moral of my story/TR. Refer to Hint #4. And I'm sticking to that, for the time being anyhow.
Oh, almost forgot. It really is amazing how powerful YC's statement is...
"It's not about catching fish. Nope. It's about the fish catching you!"
Luckily for you civ's out there, be glad I have embraced and clung onto that very wise statement and what my good old Shipmate "Rog" had passed onto me.
Enjoy...
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Sooooooooooooooooooooo Now... The Best for last.
I'm Smiling again these days. Yup. Well, at least for the time being thanks to the seed that BMCS(NPJ/DV/SEAL) "Rog" planted some 20 years ago.
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