My friend Rufus Lusk and I just came back from our climbing trip to Sierra Nevada. Unfortunately, we didn’t take that many pictures but you can find a lot of gorgeous pix on the web anyway 

Our objective was to climb long one day alpine routes in perfect conditions. We are weak and lazy people, decadent and unwilling to suffer. We didn’t want to waste our puny vacation time sitting the bad weather out in a tent, or God forbid, on a ledge. We didn’t want waste our puny strength hauling huge bags up a wall. We didn’t want to hike for ten days with 100lbs backpacks in order to make one assent. We just wanted to have a good time. And by Jove, we had it!

We landed in San Francisco on Friday night, drove east till 1am and crashed out for few hours in Stanislaus National forest (undoubtedly breaking a number of National Forest rules and regulations (see below). In the morning, we woke up and drove to the benighted town of Bridgeport where we had to obtain a backcountry permit for our route.

By the way, it’s absolutely amazing how thoroughly National Forest and National Park services protect our wonderful American wilderness. There are dozens of Ranger stations along the Sierras and thousands of rangers watch the mountains like hawks. Apparently, if more than 8 people at any point camp in the 50 sq miles of Sierra Mountains, the environment will be damaged beyond recovery. So, a backpacker has to reserve a permit weeks (or months) in advance. If you are lucky enough to reserve a permit, the rangers won’t simply mail it to you – they need to check you out in person, to make sure that you will not destroy their beloved Wilderness. And if you didn’t reserve a permit in time, you can come in one day in advance to take part in a lottery. If you are lucky enough to win, you should hang out for a day in the local town, supporting the local economy and only the next day can you start hiking. And if, God forbid, you decide to criminally trespass the free American Wilderness without a permit, you will be busted, fined and kicked out of the blessed realm. It is only too bad that the states don’t preserve their state forests to the same degree – think of all the damage that we inflicted on White Mountains and Adirondacks by hiking and camping practically without any limitations. The land destroyed, the grass wilted, the trees broken, and even the stones eroded by the roaming multitudes.

Well, organized and careful me obtained the permit well in advance. Rufus and I dropped by the station and picked it up. Surprisingly enough, the ranger didn’t bother studying our passports and mountaineering CVs, he just handed us a permit. Having parked and packed, we started hiking. Two hours later we could see our objective - the Incredible Hulk. Accordingly to both guidebooks we had (Peter Croft and Supertopo), it is the California’s cleanest most gorgeous granite wall with the most sustained and beautiful routes outside of Yosemite. It does look absolutely incredible – like a white triangle of the perfect granite. We camped in a perfect quiet place next to a stream and went to toprope a small crag nearby. Having climbed a couple of 5.9 offwidth and failed a 5.11?? overhanging chimney, we went to bed. As we slept, we drooled and dreamed about Positive Vibrations, 5.11a, IV-V, 1500’.

On Sunday 7am, we marched out of the camp, armed with double ropes, a double set of nuts (hmmm) and a double set of cams. The Incredible (and impeccable) Hulk towered over us. The sun shined at it from behind (it faces west) making the cliff’s edges glow. The granite looked lovelier than Mona Lisa and more promising than Marilyn Monroe. It was 45F and no wind.

At 8am we started climbing. Being weak, indulgent and incapable of carrying any weight (see above), we had 2L H2O, 10 bars, one Golight windbreaker and one small down jacket for two of us. To warm up, Rufus led pitches 1&2 – pleasant 250’ of 5.10 bulge, crack and corner climbing. I sent a 100’ 5.11a and worked my way up a 180’ of sustained and beautiful 5.10. Frustratingly, I took a small fall on pitch 5 - in an awkward short 5.10 offwidth. There I passed the torch to Rufus. And off he went. The next three pitches were amazingly sustained. 160-200 feet each, they had everything a climber can wish for. Gorgeous stemming, underclings, hands, thin hands, fingers, face moves, some route finding (but not much). The climb kept going like the Energizer Bunny and so did Rufus. I dutifully followed him and 1,300’ later we finally got to the top of the Incredible Hulk’s shoulder. So called, grade 4 traverse with occasional bouldering moves became a tricky and rotten 5.7 pitch but it did bring us to the climb’s last section – two short chimney pitches. Rufus got one and I crawled through another (you actually have to squeeze through a hole to get to the top). After 11 hours of nonstop climbing we proudly topped out. In a way, it felt like doing two VMC Direct routes in a row – tiring but exhilarating. A brief rappel and long painful descent down the screw in climbing shoes brought us back to the base of the route just as it got dark.
I will not describe the next two hours – it’s too humiliating. As Moses led the Jews for 40 years across a 500 miles long desert, so I led us for two hours around a ½ mile mountain gully to get back to our camp – in a drunken sailor’s walk. Finally Rufus found our campsite. We stumbled in our tents and fell asleep.

On Monday we woke up late and mindlessly crawled around the camp, groaning, stretching, eating and resting. By afternoon we recovered enough to hike 20 min to the Outguard Spire. There is a very pleasant 5 pitch 5.10 route going to the top of this 600’ tower. I led pitches 1 and 2 – pleasant 5.10 140’ climbs. Rufus led slightly trickier pitches 3 and 4 (crux with a very interesting 10+ dihedral) and I finished the route with a 200’ alpine section.

On Tuesday we went back to the Incredible Hulk. Sun Spot Dihedral 5.11b boasts even longer and harder and more sustained climbing up the cliff and we wanted to try it. I led easier pitches 1&2 – the same as on Incredible Hulk. Then Rufus led a scary and gorgeous pitch 3 (bring red/yellow and yellow/green offset aliens! for the top). Then Rufus led the endless pitch 4 – the best dihedral pitch we have ever done in our life. 180’ of endless stem/lieback/jam moves. 5.11a section to 5.10 section to 5.10+ section to more climbing to the anchor. Oh my God. Rufus led pitch 5 (5.11b) and ran out of steam. So, I had to lead the next pitch – 200 feet more of 5.11a stemming and 5.10 crack climbing. With a pleasant 40’ runout at the upper, slightly easier section. Everybody described the upper pitches to be boring, broken and unpleasant, so we decided to rappel. Rappelling a big cliff with 30mph wind is always fun. The rope got stuck in a crack, of course and Rufus had to do some more climbing. At 5pm we were finally down on the ground. At 6pm we were at the campsite and at 9pm we were down in Bridgeport, CA, dreaming about a nice dinner and a pleasant night in a cheap motel. Ha! Little did we know. The cheapest hotel in this small redneck provincial town in the middle of nowhere cost $90 a night. And Mexican food in the local restaurant was literally and without exaggeration the worst Mexican food that Rufus or I had ever eaten in our entire life. The only thing that the cook was not able to screw up was beer. Brr.

On Wednesday we rested and thought and browsed internet and made phone calls and finally decided. We were going to climb Half Dome Northwest route in a day and to free as much of it as we could. We drove to our friend Cody who lives right outside Yosemite now. He generously provided us with beta, aiders, jumars and some floor space in the living room.

On Thursday afternoon we started the approach. The ominous Death Slabs approach lay between us and the Half Dome wall. Sand covered exposed slabs were interspaced with occasional knotted ropes going up 50 deg sections. It’s amazing that so few people get injured on the approach. 2 miles, 2,200’ vertical and 3 hours later we were finally at the base of the route. Our biggest worry was that the little spring at the base was no longer running. It generally dries out by the end of the summer but a previous weekend party reported it still to be running. And it was! Clean spring water was barely seeping out of the rock 5 feet away from the start of the route. We filled water out of a tiny transparent puddle, added some iodine pills, drank and went to sleep. Buzzing mosquitoes and whistling/thumping rocks falling from the Half dome made sure that our sleep was restful and unperturbed.

On Friday 4am we woke up and packed. 3L of water, 12 bars, two flashlights, one windbreaker and one down jacket. By 5am, still in the dark, Rufus quickly and confidently led the first pitch (5.10). Sun rose, we climbed five more 5.8-5.9 pitches and switched leads. I bypassed a slightly slower party (they started climbing at 3am). A faster, simul climbing party, bypassed us (they aimed to do the route in 8 hrs). I kept leading and we kept climbing. And kept climbing. And kept climbing. Easy stuff, a bolt ladder, 5.9 cracks, 5.8 cracks, 5.11 corner, 170 feet of 5.8 chimneys, more 5.9 cracks, more 5.8 R/X (no protection placed to avoid rope drag) cracks. And at last, Big Sandy ledge. My leading was done at pitch 18, 2:30pm. Rufus led Zigzag corner 5.11+. He tried to do it free and he would have succeeded, if not for the 18 pitches/7.5 hrs of nonstop climbing behind us. So he grabbed the gear and topped out. As Rufus provided me with a “girlfriend belay” (sorry, ladies) I tried to follow him clean. Too tired. Three falls. Done. The next pitch was a burly squeeze chimney to lieback 5.10+. Rufus led it and I followed it clean but sooo barely. Not enough stamina, not enough strength left. Next 5.11+ pitch Rufus didn’t even bother – he just grabbed the gear as he marched up. I tried to do it free and… grabbed the gear instead– no finger strength left. 4:30pm. And then it came – Thank God ledge. It’s such a simple thing – a flat 1’ wide ledge, 20 meters long, 1,800’ above the ground, 4,000’ above the valley, delightfully exposed. Rufus didn’t even bother, he just crawled. I was too proud to crawl and I walked. Using I-have-sh#t-in-my-pants walk. Two more easy pitches and we topped out. 6pm. WE ARE ON THE TOP OF HALF DOME. YES! YES! YES!
We ran down the Half Dome in climbing shoes for 2,200’ vertical, pulled the climbing shoes off (ohhhhhh), changed, packed and ran down the Death Slabs. Till it got dark. The we carefully and slowly, oh so slowly, walked down towards the welcoming Yosemite Valley. We were down at 9:30pm. Done. Tired. Thirsty. Hungry. Shaking. Slowly walking 2 miles to the car.

On Saturday we were as happy as we were tired. And we were dead tired. Does it meant that we were mortally happy? Or immortally?

Boris Itin.