So I wasn't even there, but I'm going to write the trip report before he can because it's such a bad to the bone story and I want to be part of it. Basically I went fishing for the weekend down near Forks of the Kern while Limpingcrab, Vitaliy and Macronut went into Kings Canyon to put up a proud new line
on this massive hunk of lime stone granitic marblechoss. When I got back to civilization, I saw this post on the Facebooks!


Supposedly he peeled off a short ways up the third pitch, clipped a small ledge and broke both feet. OK, I know, I said legs in the title but I think it was his feet, like I said, I wasn't there. You try writing a trip report from third hand knowledge going off of social media. It's not easy. I may be breaking every law of internet forum trip report etiquite, but I don't care, this story has to break and if I gotta scoop it, bring on the hate mail.


Here is a selfie he took immediately after the fall. Macronut told me later "he told us his feet were in a whole lot of burning pain and his shoes started to feel tight." That can't be good......


I think he fell off because he's weak. Either that or the rock in that area is some sort of legendary marblefunk and notoriously dangerous and greasy and chossy. Not quite sure which one was at fault, his sloppy footwork, his skinny fore-arms or the geology, possibly all three played a factor in this disaster.

I am typing fast because he is probably typing up the actual trip report as we speak. But here's a couple more photos.

It's my understanding from hearsay and group text slander that they strongly considered a rescue but Limpingcrab would have none of it. He didn't want to put a chopper crew or his buddies lives at stake with a down-canyon,thermal ridden, short-haul helo pluck so he decided to butt-slide, gimp rappel, three-man-hug and crawl out of there.

No lie, he taped up his hands and drug himself out of there gimp style. Putting the "limping" into limpingcrab in legendary style. At one point he allegedly found a deer antler and used that as a tool to drive himself upward. I'm literally so proud of my friend that I got a little tear in my eye as I typed that sentence.
Down the approach gully, across the river, and way, way, way, way back up to the vehicle.... our hero and his compatriots slogged....hours dragging on like weeks....with nightfall approaching.
The boys got down safe and sound "Doug Scott on The Ogre" style and made us all proud. I just couldn't stand the thought of letting him beat me to the trip report and I wasn't going to let not being there or being any part of the trip ruin that for me. His trip report will probably have better details, more truth, and some actual facts so keep an eye out for it. He has nothing else to do for the next few months since he will be sitting around I guess. Should be a good trip report.

Oh yeah, I caught some nice fish too. He should probably come on trips with me rather than with Vitaliy and Macronut for a while. I climb trade routes, car camp and fish a lot mostly these days. Those guys are dangerous.

See you around, Supertopo.

Micronut,

Out.