"The Reverse South Face" **
Grade IV, Class 3, A0
First Known Winter Nighttime Descent: March 16/17, 2009 Dirtbag Vic and Crass Kras.


Gear: The crux pitches of this mega-classic are now equipped with fixed anchors. Some parties, however, may find a light alpine rack helpful. In addition, to fully enjoy this adventure, you will need winter bivy gear (including stove and pot for melting snow), ice axes, 70 meter rope, lots of Gu and Nicorette, a borderline functional cell phone, and a partner of equally questionable capacity for rational decision making.
Like him...

Or this exalted specimen of cerebral prowess


Approach:
Highly detailed descriptions and topos can be found here so I will only include a general outline here.
Ascend the North-East Ridge of Lone Pine Peak from the desert floor.

In winter conditions this may require technical climbing ranging from 5.tree to 5.aid along with plenty of walking, scrambling, snow traverses, and a rappell or two.

Along the way you will encounter stunning views, first-rate accomodations, and fine dining.

It is important to keep in mind that the ridge does eventually end. Not today, not tomorrow, but maybe the day after. Once you have completely lost that faith and are fully
convinced that you will spend the rest of your life on this approach, you'll know that you are close to the start of "The Reverse South Face". Surmount the final headwall (3 pitches 5.snow/5.loose) and follow the description in the next section.


Finding the Route:
If you have timed the approach correctly you will arrive at the summit plateau with about an hour of daylight left on the third day. Turn to your left and cast an explorer's gaze towards Owens Valley. This is what you'll see.

Now, convince yourself that you WILL be at the car THAT night and GO.
Important: Speed is safety in the mountains and if you feel compelled to engage in any time-wasting maneuvers such as checking the map or, worse yet, hunkering down for another bivy, then "The Reverse South Face" is not an appropriate route for you and you should return when you can truly rise to the level of derangement required by this proud testpiece. If, on the other hand, your reptilian brain is happily oblivious to any considerations outside of a 12oz bottle, then you are ready,... carry on, you'll see the start soon enough. It looks like this:

The Climb:
Engage in an endless series of ever steepening rappells down the offset ramp system in a huge right-facing corner. As each ramp peters out, imagine that the glimmer you see at the very end of your headlamp highbeam is indeed flat(er) ground/snow, that the going will get easy from there, and launch into a free hanging rap towards it feeling smug about bringing the 70 instead of the 50. Upon discovering that it is just another ramp, anchor in, forget everything you've learned so far, rinse and repeat. Build your anchors to keep you out of the way of the shower of snowmelt coming down the corner. This isn't really possible, but it's fun to try. You will earn extra style points if you arrange to leave ALL your gear except for the Yellow Alien which someone shall have to pry from your cold dead fingers after you and your pathetic excuse for a rap anchor are found somewhere in Tuttle Creek.

Eventually you will come to a sloping 2'x4' ledge fully equipped with a mini-tree, some horns, and a trickle of running water. This is a luxurious place to wait for the sunrise and will eventually become your home for the night, but for now it is best to fail in appreciating its significance and better yet to fail to see it entirely. Instead continue rappelling past it to the end of the rope arguing against the basic premises of Newtonian mechanics to try to not get tensioned off into the void from the slipery and narrowing ramp. Sir Isaak will eventually prevail in this little debate which is why he is immortalized in the annals of scientific literature and you are well on your way to an
ANAM writeup, perhaps even a Darwin Award.

Relax, and enjoy the ride. It is entertaining to contemplate what you know about tensioned ropes grinding over sharp edges. You may wonder if the fact that the rope is frozen makes it stronger or more likely to snap like a breadstick, whether Sir Isaak Newton knows, and whether you will get to ask him in person shortly. Or you can just scream. Either way, spinning at the end of the pendulum, it is a great place for some quiet introspection. While your partner makes a frantic call to Inyo SAR and has the phone crap out right after mumbling something about steep terrain and the Tuttle Creek drainage, take the time to fully appreciate the epic magnitude of your folly. Take the time to feel proud of yourself. Wow, you've finally arrived at the end of the line(literally). You have finally crossed the ill defined border between hardass and dumbass. Limits of idiocy reached and breached on "The Reverse South Face" of Lone Pine Peak. Enjoy the moment.

Now, get your sh*t together and start prussiking, moron. A few inches at a time so as not to bounce that rope over the edge too much. The longer it takes the better because it's keeping you warm and busy. Dry-heave from dehydration occasionally, sucking on the rope won't really help. Upon reaching the aformentioned ledge, anchor in and start collecting sips from the trickle (one every 5 minutes or so, but VERY tasty) while your partner raps down to you. Wrap your sleeping bags around yourselves and engage in witty repartee. Console yourselves with the fact that Warren Harding had to be rescued once too which will make it ever so slightly less embarrassing. Occasional fits of sleep will be interrupted by the sharp tug of your tether as you slide off the ledge.

In the morning, with your vision unimpaired by the combined factors of darkness and cretinism, rig a not too complicated series of rappells and arrive at easier ground just in time to see the helicopter show up. Wave them off with a feeling of relief at having finally done something borderline competent. The chopper will continue to monitor your progress throughout the day (ALL DAY) which it actually takes to hike back to the desert floor. When you get back to the car and charge the phone, you will probably find out that Sgt. Hardcastle has called your mother earlier that morning to clarify the descrepancy between the name on the registration on the car and the name of the caller from the previous night. He told her that everything was fine but upon hearing the words "search and rescue", "the woman became hysterical". Call your mother. Call your girlfriend and sister too. Call Sgt. Hardcastle to thank him and leave a donation to Inyo SAR. Congratulations, you've completed "The Reverse South Face".